After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
