Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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