Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
