margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
