I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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