I will die if light touches me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
