he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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