You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
