Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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