trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
