I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
