Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
