Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize