my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
