I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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