I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize