GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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