i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
