So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
