I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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