her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
