In the future we'll all be gay
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
