i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have feelings that need drinking.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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