Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
