Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
