I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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