i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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