do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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