it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
