I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
