I bet he comes in French.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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