I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
