I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
