Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
