finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
