So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
