oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
