Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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