I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
