Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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