he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
