Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
