woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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