Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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