Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
