im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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