i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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