If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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