A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
