your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
