Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You need Xanax blowdarts
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
