how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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