She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
