I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
