the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
