Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
