I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
