Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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