Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
