No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
