worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
