...so i touched it.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
