In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
All I want is dick and wine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
