I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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