just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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