i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
