this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
