Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
