i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
