Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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