Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
