just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
