I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
